The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
