My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
