Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
