You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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