she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
