He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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