sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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