hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just invented taco cereal.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
