Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
