guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
