I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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