I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
