her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
