im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
