ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
