THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize