She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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