Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
