watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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