Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I died a long time ago.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
