Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
