I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
