Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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