She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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