dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize