i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
