I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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