So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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