uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
