Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
