dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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