pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
