An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
