i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
