if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
