all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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