So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
People in love make me want to vomit
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
