At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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