May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
