If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
