so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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