i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
