There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
