She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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