On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
