Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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