I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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