She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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