Me. At least after what I've been through.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
