So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
