I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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