chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
do nipples grow back?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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