Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
