i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
