i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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