the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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