I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
