I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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