Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
