I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob