dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
