The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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