Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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