Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
