were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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