I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
