My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
