one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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