When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
