my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
