so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
