so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
