I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
