Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
