There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
